Here I am on LX NY making a yummy tomato tart.

Cookie Bowls For Nobel Prize Winners

Recent events have many people believing that anybody – even you - could someday receive a telephone call with the news that they have been awarded a Nobel Peace Prize. Not all feelings are bad, and celebratory feelings can be eaten, too. I have whipped up Cookie Bowls For Nobel Prize Winners should you ever be one.

Cookie Bowls For Nobel Prize Winners

You will need:

Nobel Prize

Cookie Dough

Baking Spray

Ice Cream

When you answer your phone and hear the following, “Gratis, du har vunnit Nobels fredspris!” Don’t hang up! You are not having a stroke, it is Swedish! In fact, you have just won a Nobel Prize! Be sure to ask, “Hur mycket är detta pris värt?” or “How much is this prize worth?” Ten million kroner? That’s about a million and a half in regular money. The next call you make should be to a real estate broker. While doing so, fire up your oven to 350°. If you don’t need the money, for example if you are a best selling author and person of influence already living in a nice house, a good idea would be to donate the money to charity. That would maximize the appearance of your good nature and show the world you are deserving of such an honor. Either way, break out some cookie dough. You can make the dough yourself – Toll House works well, but why not blow some of that prize money on dough that someone else made? Spray a muffin pan with baking spray and pop it in the oven.

Write to your alma mater’s alumni magazine, making sure that everyone you ever knew – especially that know-it-all freshman room mate who thinks she’s so important because she’s got a local radio show – knows about your good fortune. Take the pan out of the oven and squish cookie dough into the muffin cups leaving a well in the center. Stick pan back in the oven.

You’re going to need to make a speech, and it would be a good idea to write one. Make sure that it includes the following:

1 funny anecdote about your childhood

4 (at least) jokes – making at least one in Swedish would go a long way

6 counts of humility

7 hopes for the future

Practice the speech in the mirror, as you are going to need to keep a straight face while orating.

When the cookie bowls are brown and crisp on the outside, remove them from the oven and pop them out of the muffin cups and fill with a scoop of ice cream as you update your facebook profile to list profession as “Nobel Prize-winning Peacemaker.”

Weekly update!

I haven't been able to post anything in a while as I have been really self-absorbed and lazy, constantly googling myself and generally messing around on the computer doing all kinds of things that are entirely unproductive and useless. I thought I would share with you some of the fruits of my labor.

Amazon offers a great program that allows people to review stuff. Fortunately the large majority of reviews for my book have been great. For example Katie Osborne called it “Laugh out loud funny” and thanks to NaughtiLiterati who said, “This is the funniest and most fun cookbook I've ever read.” And I want to give a special shout-out to Gordon M. Wagner who said, “I keep wanting to use the word 'laser' for just how precise the humor is -- sharp and biting, yet completely charming.” But then I came across this one by a fellow who goes by the moniker MagicSkip:

The other thing about this book is that it is NOT, as you might expect (in spite of the title), emotional comfort foods to make you feel BETTER when you're down -- it really is recipes for "self-loathing"; stuff that you could pig out on and end up feeling worse than you did before. Seriously. "Double Crust Apple Pie for Recreational Bulimics" has about two sentences of pie-prep, followed by "Actually, you're just going to throw it up anyway. Forget it." and don't even get me started on the "Cocktail Nibblers for Alcoholics".
Don't read this book depressed -- it will push you over the edge.

MagicSkip plunked down one lousy star for his rating. So I thought I would take a look at who this magic man is.

MagicSkip has reviews for all sorts of things! For example he simply adores his Bucket Boss Brand Mug Boss saying, “The best thing is that it lets people know that in your heart-of-hearts, you are a hands-on TOOL PERSON.” He also has fond feelings for Caldrea Dish Soap and would have given it five stars but for the fact that, “When I squirt it on a messy pan, it doesn't stick to where I squirted it.” And don’t get him started on The Switch Black Cherry Drink, “When I get more, I want to try it as a mixer with vodka.”

Alas, my book is not alone on the list of things MagicSkip does not like. For example he did not at all appreciate the children’s book Guess How Much I Love You, railing, “Little Nutbrown Hare (why couldn't he/she have a NAME?!?!?)” And he says of the Whole Spice Chipotle Chili Powder, “When I sprinkle it into a sauce, enough of it enters the air and I end up inhaling it, and it feels like I'm burning my nose. YUCK!”

That’s the wonderful thing about the Internet. It offers a little window into the life and mind of someone else. And it lets you see what you look like with someone else’s hair.

First Lady Heather Obama

Posh Whaley Spice

Heather Gosselin. Don't get any ideas, Jon.

Don't Forget the Cook-Off is Sept 30th!!!

The super fun cook-off hosted by powerHouse Arena is tomorrow, Wednesday September 30th from 7-9. You can find the recipes for the contest below. I have already received photos from people busily cooking away in their kitchens across the tri-state area! And remember, if you don't want to enter the cook-off you can just show up and drink complimentary WINE. Either way you are in for a swell time!

Fondly,
Heather

This lady is making something in a big pot. A really big pot! And she's hoping to tempt the judges by not wearing a bra. Just might work!

This one is channeling Julia Child and doing a really good job as she whips up her Drunk and Disorderly Donut Pudding! Looks like she's been drinking herself to get into character!
Atta girl!

This dude is taking it WAY too seriously! Relax buddy! Have some of that vino on the counter behind you. It's only Hamburger Casserole For When Nobody Loves You And Never Will, it's not brain surgery.

These pirate hipsters are chillin in their broken chair waiting for the repo man and enjoying a Foreclosure Fiesta, YAR!

You can send me your photos at heathereatsherfeelings@gmail.com

Reading tonight!

Dear Reader,

Tonight it is my turn to read and I will be doing so with verve and gusto! Join me at Barnes and Noble, Lincoln Triangle, at 7:30 to hear excerpts from Eat Your Feelings!

Yours,

Heather

Barnes and Noble

66th Street and Broadway

NYC

Look at what The New Yorker says about Eat Your Feelings.

Buy The Book TODAY!

Dear Reader,

Here is an example of a letter I receive from across this great nation on a daily basis:

Dear Heather,

I have been following the tantalizing morsels you have provided, and really want to get the book – when is it coming out?

Eating my feelings in Sheboygan,
Theresa


Well Theresa, the long wait is over! The book is on sale today! Personally I will be congratulating myself with a huge I Wrote A Book And It Is On Sale Today In Bookstores Everywhere Chicken Salad Sandwich on a Raisin Bagel With a Side of Tequila. Cheers!