Monday, April 25, 2016

Mother of a Meatball for Marathon Moms

Dear Reader,

The leaves are just beginning to appear on the trees, I am woken early each morning by the cacophony of birds newly returned to town, and my blood is already 22% rosé, which can mean only one thing - it's time for everyone to start running marathons. You think I'm joking? 

Each spring, mommies emerge from their winter hibernation, shed their yoga pants, squeeze themselves into running tights and hit the road. I never understood this phenomenon, indeed I used to boast that I never ran unless being chased, but then I had kids. Running long distances requires dedication, perseverance, decent shoes, and a great deal of time - time ALONE. You see where I'm going? 

Making the commitment to train for even a half-marathon enables you to strap on your sneakers, pop in your headphones, and blast Cher for an hour or two - or three if you are really really slow - and nobody is going to complain! Personally I have run a full marathon, three half-marathons, and this Sunday I'm running another half. Judging from the pain in my glutes (I can call them that because, as I said, I'm a marathon runner) this might be my last. So I'm going to go out with a bang, and am serving up the perfect post-race repast.

Enjoy.


Mother of a Meatball for Marathon Moms

You will need:

Meatballs
Tomato sauce
Olive Oil
Garlic, thinly sliced
Fennel Seed
Oregano
Crushed Red Pepper
Sugar
Beer
Parmesan
Ciabatta Roll


First of all, get yourself some meatballs the day before your race. You can make them yourself, buy them ready made, who gives a shit, you're running a marathon. You're going to be really tired tomorrow, and you're not going to want to be cooking, so in addition to packing your race gear, you're making one hell of a sandwich, whose image and aroma you can think about on those long miles instead of thinking about how much your feet hurt from kicking so much ass. 

Prepare the meatballs. I like to get vegetarian meatballs and brown them in some olive oil. You are a big girl, you can decide what kind of balls you like. Into a sauce pan, pour a few glugs of olive oil. When it's heated, add the garlic. I like to add four cloves because I'm like that. Don't cook it for too long, and add a half teaspoon of fennel seed which you've used your massive muscles to grind in your mortar and pestle. Also add a teaspoon of oregano, a pinch of crushed red pepper, and a pinch of salt. Then pour in a can of tomato sauce. Let this all simmer for about thirty minutes, then add a pinch of sugar. Pour this on top of the meatballs. In the morning, slice up your ciabatta, drizzle on some olive oil, and put the meatballs and sauce in the slow cooker to warm. 

After the race, don't even stop to shower, unless you've soiled yourself, in which case by all means, shower, but leave on your medal so that everyone can see what a champion you are. Dump as many meatballs as you can fit into the ciabatta roll, top with a fistful of Parmesan, and enjoy with a cold beer, before registering for your next race. You deserve it.




Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Mind Blowing Eggs for Smarty Pants Teenagers

Dear Reader,

Last week as I was polishing off the last of the chocolate eggs, I was wondering aloud why the Easter holiday even features eggs. It's really kind of creepy when you think about a giant rabbit sneaking around and hiding eggs all over your house. I mean, if a person were doing that, they'd likely get shot. Well lucky me, I have a smarty pants in the family, in the person of one teenage son, who told me that eggs are featured in Easter celebrations because the holiday is derivative of pagan fertility rituals, and eggs are, duh, all about fertility. Then he went on to tell me about gender fluidity, and that our universe began as a singularity and is expanding in all directions at the same time, and therefore has no center. I tried really hard, but I can't get my mind around that, and did you guys even know about gender fluidity? I needed a drink.

All of a sudden it was time to make dinner, and I wasn't in the mood to go to the grocery store to buy food stuffs for cookery, because like I said, I had been drinking. I opened my cupboards and did a quick inventory, and found the perfect solution in the form of the almighty egg.  I present to you, the ultimate food for any meal. Seriously - breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, late night snack, second dinner, it's perfect

Enjoy.


Mind Blowing Eggs for Smarty Pants Teenagers


You will need:
Olive oil
Onion, chopped fine
Garlic, minced
Paprika
White wine
1 can crushed tomatoes
Eggs
Cheeses
Chives
Baguette

First up, preheat the oven to 425. Pour some olive oil into a sauce pan, and when it gets glossy, add in the onion. Saute for five minutes or so, then add the garlic. Give it a stir, then add a half teaspoon of paprika. If you like, you can also add a pinch of crushed red pepper. I skipped this because I was making this for my family, and if I make something that is at all spicy, I have to sit across the table from people who are gasping, clutching their throats, gulping down water, and sometimes trying to wipe off their tongues with a napkin. So I left it out. If you like it, toss it in. Next up, mommy's little helper, aka white wine. Pour in a glug and stir everything around. My buzz was starting to wear off, so I also poured a few glugs into a glass for my enjoyment. Then I added the tomatoes and some salt and pepper. I let it simmer for about twenty minutes, you can let it simmer for longer, but I was hungry.

I greased the inside of my ramekins with a little butter, then ladled in some of the tomato sauce. Then I cracked an egg into a small bowl and tipped it into the ramekin. NOTE: I did not simply crack the egg into the ramekin itself, as this might result in shells in the dish, and subsequent micro-inspection of food by fellow diners, nor did I hide the whole egg under the sauce, as that would be disgusting. Once the egg is inside, sprinkle on some salt and pepper.

I placed my ramekins on a baking sheet and also threw on some sliced baguette that I had brushed with olive oil. I kept a close eye on the whole affair once it went into the oven, so I could remove the baguette once nicely toasted. When the egg whites were almost set, I sprinkled grated cheeses over the ramekins. One of us wanted Cheddar, two wanted Parmesan, one wanted Gruyere. No problem for me, as I had all three. If you have to choose, I'd go for the Parmesan. Back into the oven until the whites were set, the cheese melted, and the yolks still runny. Snip, snip, snip, went the chives on top, and are you freaking kidding me?!? This was so delicious I made it again two nights later, and nobody even complained. In fact, they were delighted. Mind blown.