Last night's GOP primary debate has me all in a funk. I turned on the television at 8:08 just in time to hear Michelle Bachmann announce her candidacy. That was a surprise, because I had no idea that anyone could just show up. I would have loved to debate Keynesian Economics with those folksie folks. Not really. I'd rather sit on my couch with my large cocktail and feel the anxiety welling up from my toes to my neck where it constricts, tighter and tighter, like an Anaconda, until I can't sleep at night. Do we really have seventeen whole months of this to endure? I'm still recovering from post traumatic stress after the 2008 election, and I can't go through another one. To gear up for the upcoming political onslaught, I offer this cocktail, for everyone on both sides of the fence except the Mormons, because they can't drink, so sucks for them.
Brothers and Sisters Can Get Along Cocktail
You will need:
Ask the older lady who lives next door if you can borrow some of the tea bags she has hanging off her hat, then ask the gay guys across the street if you can borrow a bottle of Grey Goose. Put the tea bags in the Grey Goose and set outside in the sunshine of America to steep. When the tea has infused into the vodka like divisive feelings that seeped into your veins, bring it inside and mix up a simple syrup by boiling one cup water and mixing in an equal amount of sugar. Squeeze a generous amount of lemon into the vodka, and add the syrup to taste. Pour over mint leaves stolen from the old lady down the block who knows better than to let politics ruin her year. Pop one or two Valium and then invite them all over for game night, being careful to avoid lefty elitist games like Scrabble, and honest right wing favorites like Bunco. How about a nice game of Sorry?