Loooove Cookies

Dear Reader,

In my ongoing crusade to not be a total lardass, I recently purchased a copy of Shape Magazine.  Not to read, mind you, but to place on the little treadmill tray thingie and serve as inspiration.  I couldn't help but notice this piece of flawed advice screaming at me from the cover over Mandy Moore's face:

 

I will agree that you cannot find love in most cookies.  But then again, you can't find love in most people, either.  Today I offer you a cookie that won't exactly make out with you, but it will feel like a nice groping.  Enjoy.

Loooove Cookies

You will need:

1 1/4 cup butter

2/3 cup brown sugar

1/2 tsp. baking soda

3/4 tsp. sea salt

1 large egg

1/2 tsp. vanilla

1 cup flour

chocolate chips

toffee

malt balls

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Instead of creaming your jeans over your latest ex, how about creaming some butter with brown sugar, baking soda and sea salt instead?  When that's done, crack in a large, round egg to represent the chance you have of getting laid anytime soon, and mix that up, too.  Pour in the vanilla to match your personality.  Stir it all together and dump in the flour.  

Place chocolate chips, toffee and malt balls in a food processor and pulse a few times, keeping time to your own pulse just to make sure you still have one.  Mix this into the dough and drop in tiny spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet. 

Bake for seven minutes or until as delicious and gooey as the scuba instructor you met in Barbados last year.  Click on the video below, and eat cookies either very, very slowly and tenderly or with total abandon, as desired.