I have received another letter, this time from a gentleman that is truly in need of my help. Please read:
I want a divorce! Don't hate me, but my wife is a total nag constantly flirting with my friends. Problem is, I'm not a total jerk and I don't want to leave her right before the holidays, right? But we're going to her sister's house for Thanksgiving and they asked me to make the sweet potatoes. I really couldn't care less and don't even like the stupid things. Can you help me figure out what to make?
Fed up in Flagstaff,
Ted, you sound like a good guy and I would be happy to help! For you, a recipe with a negative degree of difficulty is in order. Enjoy!
Don't Give A Damn Yams
You will need:
3 cans yams
1 bag mini-marshmallows
Splash orange juice
Open up the canned yams. If you can't find them at your grocery store, check the dollar store, as they are not an in-demand item, yet perfect for your needs. Dump contents into some sort of dish. Mash them down with a fork and have a shot of bourbon. Spit some of bourbon over yams in the dish. Stir with your finger. Pour a glass of orange juice and stick your hand in it. Then flick orange juice all over yams. Eat some marshmallows because they are soft and yummy. Scatter some on top of yams. If you are feeling crafty, spell out "You People Suck" in marshmallow, then stick in the oven at 350 degrees until marshmallows are gooey and brown and as done as your marriage.