Sweet Potatoes for Junkies

Dear Reader,

Every member of my family likes their sweet potatoes a different way, and I am sure your family is the same.  To satisfy all these many palates, I plan on offering you recipes for everyone at your table.  Today's version comes from my sister, who is NOT a junkie of the narcotic sort, but most definitely one of sugar.  No fear if the junkies in your family are more hard core, they will probably like this, too.  Enjoy!

Sweet Potatoes for Junkies

You will need:

Chewy Sweet Tarts
2 cans yams
1/2 box brown sugar
1 stick butter
1 bag marshmallows

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Place Chewy Sweet Tarts in microwave for 10 seconds to "loosen them up." Eat.  Open cans of yams.  Plop into a bowl and mash with a fork.  Melt butter in microwave and pour into potatoes.  Dump in half box brown sugar and stir, being careful to leave large chunks of brown sugar as special prizes inside mash.  Pour into large baking dish and spread.  Top with marshmallows - not mini-marshmallows, but the kind you can only fit three in your mouth at once, so that the ratio of marshmallow to sweet potato is roughly 2:1.  Bake until golden brown on top.  Brush teeth and make dental appointment.  If uninsured, have needle nosed pliers and bottle of whiskey on hand.

Don't Give A Damn Yams

Dear Reader,

I have received another letter, this time from a gentleman that is truly in need of my help.  Please read:

Dear Heather,

I want a divorce!  Don't hate me, but my wife is a total nag constantly flirting with my friends.  Problem is, I'm not a total jerk and I don't want to leave her right before the holidays, right?  But we're going to her sister's house for Thanksgiving and they asked me to make the sweet potatoes.  I really couldn't care less and don't even like the stupid things.  Can you help me figure out what to make?

Fed up in Flagstaff,

Ted

Ted, you sound like a good guy and I would be happy to help!  For you, a recipe with a negative degree of difficulty is in order.  Enjoy!

Don't Give A Damn Yams

You will need:

3 cans yams

1 bag mini-marshmallows

Bourbon

Splash orange juice

Open up the canned yams.  If you can't find them at your grocery store, check the dollar store, as they are not an in-demand item, yet perfect for your needs.  Dump contents into some sort of dish.  Mash them down with a fork and have a shot of bourbon.  Spit some of bourbon over yams in the dish.  Stir with your finger.  Pour a glass of orange juice and stick your hand in it.  Then flick orange juice all over yams.  Eat some marshmallows because they are soft and yummy.  Scatter some on top of yams.  If you are feeling crafty, spell out "You People Suck" in marshmallow, then stick in the oven at 350 degrees until marshmallows are gooey and brown and as done as your marriage.