Oscar Night Drinking.

Tonight I will be watching the Oscars, even though the only movies nominated that I actually saw were The Kids Are All Right, the Facebook movie and Toy Story.  I saw the first two on demand - the only movies I see in theaters anymore are kids' movies, because a) I have kids, and b) I am afraid of the bed bugs.  I'm sure I will see the others at some point, if I remember and I'm not too busy watching I Shouldn't Be Alive on Animal Planet.

It irks me that Natalie Portman will win an Oscar, because she has been absolutely atrocious in every movie she's done since The Professional, and if you don't believe me, take a closer look at Closer.  Sure, she's smart and everything, but that doesn't make her a good actor.  Mike Brown is smart too, but I'm not sure I'd like to see him in a play.  No offense to Mike Brown, who may very well be a master of Restoration Comedy, as well as a prominent astronomer.  But Miss Portman became emaciated for her role in Black Swan, and whenever an actor loses a lot of weight for a role, they tend to get awarded for it, right Tom Hanks?  Whatevs, I really don't care who wins or loses anything, because I certainly don't feel sorry for movie stars not getting trophies.  I don't feel sorry for movie stars, ever.  They are highly paid and that should be all the reward they need, plus it's easy work.  Being a firefighter is hard work, so is being a teacher, also being a welder on a building 150 feet in the air.  That would be hard!

Nevertheless, I love the Oscars!  The glamour, the fashion, and the cocktails I will be drinking!  Tonight I will keep it simple, at the suggestion of my friend Maria, who thought I should make "a pitcher of martinis for one, as Sinatra used to do."  That sounds like a fabulous idea to me.  Here is how I like a martini.

Gin.  Preferably Bombay Sapphire, but if not then regular old Gordon's.  Pour it over ice.

Vermouth.  Take the bottle and wave it in front of your martini glass, then put it away.

Olives.  Pour a smidge of brine into the glass with two olives, more if you are hungry, then top with gin.

Sit back on your couch, in comfy pants, sipping your cocktail, and perhaps enjoying a meatball sub because you have the luxury to not be emaciated if you don't want.