Thursday, February 24, 2011

Katie Holmes' Pasta Puttanesca

Another day, another email from a lady with a problem.  This one is easy though!

My fiance is a really great guy, and I can't wait to be his wife, but there is one problem.  He's shorter than I am.  It's not the end of the world, I know, but it's not how I imagined my husband in my head.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling huge when I'm at the dinner table with him!  Help me get over this!

There are many qualities which make up a good husband, that he be kind, that he be amusing, that he be helpful around the house, that he enjoy the same television that you enjoy.  Nowhere has it been proven throughout all of history that height has anything to do with it.  That said, I totally get why you wouldn't want to feel bigger than your man.  Here's what I suggest.  Replace your dining room chairs with adjustable bar stools.  Set his higher than yours and voila!  Here's something yummy you can serve for your little guy.  I mean your fiance.  Sorry.

Katie Holmes' Pasta Puttanesca

You will need:

35 oz. can plum tomatoes
Crushed red pepper
Sliced green olives
Sliced black olives
Olive oil
6 cloves garlic
Step stool

Boil a large pot of salted water, and put in pasta.  Have slaves cold press olive oil.  Heat several glugs olive oil in a large pan.  Crush garlic with the side of your knife and add to the pan.  Let it cook for a few minutes while slaves get out the step stool.  Ask boyfriend or husband to climb up on step stool to help with the cooking.  Make sure slave keeps a hand on the stool while he climbs up so that he doesn't fall into the pan with the olives that you should now add to the garlic.  Pour can of tomatoes into pan, squeezing tomatoes to break them up.  This is a good job for him to do, as his wee muscles won't bruise their delicate flesh.  Add a few pinches of crushed red pepper.  Next have him measure out a fistful of capers - don't do it in your hand, that would be too many capers.  Simmer until pasta is ready, then drain the pasta and add to the sauce.  Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with Parmesan.

1 comment:

  1. Hilariously written, thanks for the chuckle!


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