Noisy Neighbor Porn Again Panini

Dear Reader,

Everyone knows that New York is one of the most diverse cities in the world, and it is my home. In my building alone we have people representing seven countries. There is a doctor, two architects, a single mother, a creepy man downstairs who hangs out in the storage room, a couple of drunks and my next door neighbor is an adult film star. I’m sure many of you are familiar with his work, as he tells me he is the best in the business.

He’s all in all a good neighbor, except that sometimes he works from home and that can be a tad noisy. Last night he and his colleagues kept me up till 3 am. So today I am tired, cranky and in need of a good sandwich. I hope you enjoy my Noisy Neighbor Porn Again Panini as much as I did!

Noisy Neighbor Porn Again Panini

You will need:

1 small ciabatta bread
4 slices Emmenthaler
Sliced tomato
Butter
Diced cornichons
Dijon mustard
Tape recorder.


Split ciabatta in half. Spread Dijon mustard on the top half of the bread, and lather on the butter on the bottom, like the swarthy gentleman you saw in the elevator earlier is no doubt doing to your neighbor’s bottom. Layer cheese slices, tomato and diced cornichons on the bread being sure to tiptoe around kitchen so as not to arouse suspicion that you are trying to hear what is going on. Place a large skillet on the stove and turn up the heat, just as the heat is going up next door. Slide sandwich into pan just like the swarthy guy… You get the picture. (If not, this and many other pictures are for sale on the neighbor’s website.)

Press down on top side of the bread to toast bottom, then flip over and do the other side. Wink wink. When panini is done, bring it to where noise is loudest – in my house this is the top shelf of my closet, behind all my clothes that no longer fit, next to the fax machine that is never used. Eat while making quick recording of the screaming and moaning coming from Apt. 7C to be played back at full volume the next time you’re feeling lonely.