It is time once again for my most favorite holiday! A day of relaxation and pampering and drinking too much and sleeping it off. I am speaking of course of Mother’s Day. As a mother, this is the best day of my year. I sleep late, have a massage and drink mimosas all day long! Of course this takes a little planning on my part, so I am here to offer some tips to you moms so that you can enjoy your day as much as I will.
I hear from so many women who have complaints about Mother’s Day.
For instance Lauren from Flagstaff writes:
Last year I woke on Mother’s Day to find my husband had left early to go golfing. When I met him later for my Mother’s Day brunch he was already drunk so I had to be the designated driver.
And Sally from Sheboygan writes:
My husband let the kids make me breakfast in bed, which consisted of three Skittles in a tea cup and a giant, inexplicable mess in the kitchen for me to clean.
And poor Beth from Katonah:
Every Mother’s Day I have to go to my mother-in-law’s house and spend the day cleaning out her gutters while she soaks her bunions in Epsom Salts. My husband Danny goes with his dad to the whorehouse in Mt. Kisco. It’s their way of ‘giving the women folk a rest.’ Well I think it stinks.
I couldn’t agree more, Beth. That doesn’t sound like fun at all.
To help, I’ve cooked up a little frittata for the moms. So whether you birthed your kids through your vagina, or your organs were removed from and replaced into your body during a c-section, or you bought your kids on eBay, this one is for you!
Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves Mother’s Day Frittata
You will need:
2 Tbs. butter
1 cup onions, thinly sliced
1 cup Gruyere, grated
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 cup spring peas
Handful Parmesan cheese
Salt and Pepper
Pen and paper
The day prior to Mother’s Day, preheat broiler then heat butter in a 10-inch non-stick skillet. Sauté onions until translucent then add mushrooms. Use phone to book any spa treatments you wish your husband would have booked for you.
Crack eggs into a bowl and scramble with a fork. Toss peas into skillet then add in the eggs the way you added your eggs to baby daddy’s sperm to make the kids that are supposed to be making this frittata for you. Season with salt and pepper.
Sprinkle all over with Gruyere and cook until almost set. Throw on the Parmesan and place under broiler until golden brown. Remove from oven and cool.
Set alarm for one hour earlier than kids get up. Heat frittata in oven, enjoy with a glass of champagne. Pen quick note to husband and kids saying “Thanks for the day off! It’s just what I wanted!” Don’t forget to bring champagne with you to spa appointments! Call home at end of day for a ride, as you will be too drunk to drive. Once home, head straight to bed with either the box set of the Twilight series, collected films of Robert Wagner or giant book of crossword puzzles, depending on age.