Monday, September 27, 2010

Drink Your Feelings

Dear Reader,
I have had another letter, this time from Samantha in Portland, Maine.

"...I quit my job when I had kids, thinking it was best for them that I stay home. But now they're in school and I'm home by myself with nothing to do but housework. Am I really going to spend my life cleaning? I need something to take away my boredom."

Samantha, you are certainly not alone, the tediousness of taking care of children (and husbands) has led many women to turn to Mommy's Little Helper, aka Vodka. Cheers.

Bored Housewife

You will need:

Duct tape
Dance Music
Pickled Onions

After dropping kids at school, swing by liquor store for a quart of vodka. Make sure to say, “It’s for later,” at the checkout. Say it at least three times, loudly, so that everyone in the store will hear you. Once home, pour three jiggers vodka in a large tumbler. Put on dance music from the 80’s such as Duran Duran, Soft Cell or Dexy's Midnight Runners.

Place two Swiffers on floor and use duct tape to fashion into shoes. Drop several pickled onions into vodka and, if desired, a small amount of brine. Drink while dancing around house cleaning floors. If you should catch sight of yourself in mirrors, add two more jiggers vodka to glass before calling stay-at-home dad next door over for a game of seven minutes in heaven.

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