Thursday, August 20, 2009


Dear Reader,

I have big, exciting news! Not only is my book Eat Your Feelings: Recipes for Self-Loathing in stores September 17th but you are also invited to join me for two spectacular events in NYC.

On September 24th I will be dramatically and enthusiastically reading from my book at the BARNES & NOBLE near Lincoln Center. And join me on September 30th at 7 PM for a SUPER FUN PARTY and COOK-OFF.

POWERHOUSE ARENA in Brooklyn is hosting this extraordinary event that will feature a conversation with the author (ME) and JOHN DELUCIE the marvelous chef from THE WAVERLY INN, a celebrity packed restaurant you’ve probably never been to. Also there will be a cook-off featuring three recipes from the book. So pick one, two or all of the recipes to enter and you may win FABULOUS PRIZES! And if you play your cards right you just might sweet talk your way to a table at the Waverly to boot.

If you don’t want to put your culinary skills on display, do not fear! It’s always fun to sit in judgment of others and you can help vote for the audience award. I look forward to seeing you all there and tasting your feelings! Oh, and there will be wine for drowning your sorrows if nobody likes your food.

Powerhouse Arena

37 Main Street in DUMBO

September 30th 7-9 PM

The recipes for the cook-off are:

Foreclosure Fiesta

You Will Need:

Spare change

6 avocadoes

1 lime

1 clove garlic, halved

1 small onion, chopped

small bunch cilantro, chopped

1 tomato, chopped


Arrange 4 chairs, you know, the ones that have yet to be repossessed, in a semi-circle for the few friends who haven't abandoned you. Take jar of change to nearest Coinstar machine, use proceeds ($56.34) to buy ingredients and rent frozen margarita machine. (Note: In parts of the Western United States, limes and avocadoes grow on trees and may be procured by shimmying up trunk and self-picking.)

Use extra long extension cord to siphon electricity from neighbor for margarita machine. Soak onion in juice of one lime. Mash avocado into a bowl that has been rubbed with garlic. Add onions and all other ingredients and season with salt.

Should repo man arrive for chairs, invite him in and serve guacamole with chips. The more the merrier! When party is over, do not feel despondant; look on the bright side - no more annoying mortgage payments or nosy neighbors to worry about and
there is no need to clean up. Simply pack leftovers in a cooler and go sit in the park.

Hamburger Casserole For When Nobody Loves You And Never Will

You will need:

½ lb. ground beef

2 cans condensed tomato soup

½ box egg noodles

DVD of motion picture 'Kramer vs. Kramer' or 'Terms of Endearment'

1 onion, chopped

American cheese slices, orange variety

Salt and pepper

Go to the video store and rent something sad. 'Terms of Endearment' is a good one. Or 'Kramer vs. Kramer.'

Once home, preheat the oven to 400° F. Brown beef in a pan. Add onions and sauté until beef is cooked and onions translucent. Boil noodles. (Duh.) After you drain noodles, change into your fanciest outfit since you are unlikely to ever get an opportunity to wear it in public.

In a large bowl, combine condensed soup, beef and onion mix, add noodles and season with salt and pepper. Pour into a baking dish and top with cheese singles. Bake until cheese is melted and bubbly. Eat. Cry. Eat more while watching 'Kramer vs. Kramer.' Cry some more. Eat the rest. Repeat for next 50-70 years depending on age and life expectancy.

Drunk and Disorderly Donut Pudding

You will need:

1 box donuts, any variety

2 cups milk

1/4 tsp. salt

3 egg yolks

1/3 cup sugar

1 tsp. vanilla

Once released from lockup, stop by donut store. Do not take donuts from the station house, as police tend to be territorial about their pastries. When home, preheat oven to 350° F.

Break donuts into large chunks. Warm milk together with salt in a small pot. Vow, with absolute sincerity, that you will never ever drink again. Place donut chunks in baking dish. Check fridge to see if you have any beer. You do. Natch. Have one.

Beat egg yolks, sugar and vanilla. (Don't bother with the electric mixer, a fork will do.) Drizzle into milk, then pour egg mixture over donuts. Put baking dish in a water bath (a larger dish filled part-way with water) and bake for 45 minutes.

While it's cooking, enjoy three or four more beers, as desired. Then, prank call officers who busted you last night, tell them you found Mike Oxlong's wallet. Hang up. Enjoy more beer, as available. Take donut pudding out of oven; eat directly from baking dish. Pass out.

When you wake up, go down to precinct and tell arresting officers in person what they can do with their warrants.


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