*#@!#*& Snack Week: Friday

Friday

So what do you eat when you make about a million raspberry bars and half the kids don't touch them? They'd rather have left-over pretzel rods? I'll tell you:  raspberry bars and a super large vodka tonic. I guess this answers my question as to whether my bars are as good as my friend's.  Cheers.

*#@!#*& Snack Week: Thursday

Thursday

I have a friend who makes the most delicious raspberry bars known to mankind. Yesterday I begged her for the recipe, knowing that I was going to bake something for my daughter's class. But even knowing how very much in love with her raspberry bars I am, she would not fork over her recipe. Well. I. Never. Actually I completely understand, however I took this as a CHALLENGE. I would make my own raspberry bars, goddammit. And that is what I did.

I started with a shortbread crust. I can make shortbread. My grandmother was from Scotland, and just about the only thing she could make was shortbread, so that's a cinch. In my food processor, I dumped 2 1/2 cups of flour, 2/3 cup sugar and 1/2 tsp (sort of heaping, almost). I blitzed for a few seconds, then dropped in two sticks of unsalted butter cut into cubes. I pulsed this for about 40 pulses until it was grainy, and able to be pinched together. I scooped out 1 1/4 cups of this sugary grainy flour and put it in a separate bowl. Next, I lined a 13x9 inch baking pan with foil, greased it up, and pressed the shortbread into the pan, and let her cook at 375 for about 17 minutes until she was nice and golden brown on the edges. Shortbread, done.

Here you see the shortbread crust mid-way through being pressed into the pan.

Then I mixed 3/4 cup raspberry jam with a half pint of fresh raspberries, and sort of squashed the fresh berries into the jam because nobody wants great big globs of fruit in their delicate raspberry bars. To this berry mush I added some fresh lime juice, squeezed from half of an extremely juicy lime. If you are using a dryish lime, then go for the whole thing, or taste it to see how limey you like it.

 This picture is not a badly drawn parallelogram. You can't tell, but that is my stove on the right.

Now for the crumb topping. Normally I like almonds in a crumb topping. Or pistachios, if I'm feeling fancy. And if I am being totally over the top, 'who does she think she is?!' I mix marzipan in there. Oh, I know. It's totally crazy. But there's this nut issue. So I used pumpkin seeds. I blitzed half a cup in the processor, then added them to the flour with 1/2 cup of oats (the old fashioned kind) and 1/4 cup of brown sugar. My mother used to call brown sugar "Brown Hoo Ha," and one of my earliest memories is of her standing on the counter, gnawing on a hardened piece of said Hoo Ha that she kept in a high cupboard so that my brother and I couldn't reach it. Chic c'est la vie!

 Pumpkin seeds to save the day!!! Since I used pumpkin seeds a.k.a. pepitas, and lime, can these bars be heretofore known as Mexican Raspberry Bars? Maybe not.

I mixed this stuff up, and when the shortbread was ready, slathered on the raspberries, then topped with the crumb mix. Baked for about 24 minutes, then let it rest for an hour, or as long as it took me to pick the kids up from school and take them to their after school activities. I swear, if I added up all the time I have spent waiting outside various ballet classes, swimming lessons, gymnastics and Kumon, it would total about four years. Anyhow, when I got home, I cut them into squares, and as I made two batches, we got to eat some!

The verdict? These bars are delicious. Do they match up to my friend's raspberry bars? It doesn't really matter, does it? The important thing is that I am no longer dependent on someone else to provide me with raspberry bars, cause I can make them my own self. Not that I wouldn't be really really really thrilled if my friend would make me some of hers soon. Real soon.

Will the kids like them tomorrow? My daughter assured me that they would - if I also sent in some whipped cream.

*#@!#*& Snack Week: Wednesday

Wednesday

Today the kids ate the rest of the yucky pretzel rods, and the cookies - nobody had to bust out their epi pen, so that's a good thing. This afternoon I really planned to bake something, I swear I did. But I hurt my back and am trying very hard not to move too much, so that's not happening. Don't worry I didn't hurt my back so badly that I won't be able to lift the magnum of vodka out of the freezer and pour myself a large cocktail now that the kids are in bed. I bought the snack for tomorrow, and it is a healthy one to make up for the cookies that I'm sure the teacher was not exactly thrilled about (sorry Caitlin). Tomorrow is hummus, carrots, and I was thinking to buy pitas and chop them into cute little triangles, but I found these, which are super cute all on their own!

I'm sure the kids would like them more if they were stuffed with M&M's, but they're going to have to settle for chick peas.

Here is something else that's cute:

*#@!#*& Snack Week: Tuesday

Tuesday

Today I got a free pass, as the kids had the Pirate's Booty that I dropped off yesterday. AND, if that's not enough to make a mom smile, the cookies passed inspection, so that takes care of tomorrow! I'm feeling like a bit of a whiner that I was making such a big deal out of snack week, and I was almost finished with my duties on Monday. So, just to even things out, I am going to actually make something for snack on Thursday and Friday. I know you're saying, "Heather, don't make us wait until Thursday to see what you are bringing for snack! We will die of anticipation by then!" But remember, if I'm making something to bring to school on Thursday morning, I'm going to have to bake, or otherwise prepare, the snack tomorrow night, because the type of person who gets up at four to bake is not the type of person that I am.  In the meantime, check out this totally awesome video I found on the YouTubes. Enjoy!

*#@!#*& Snack Week: Monday

Dear Reader,

At my kids' school, parents are required to take turns providing snack for the class for one week. It's best to sign up early, lesson learned by forgetting that it was my turn and leaving the teacher with a room full of famished first graders. So this week it is my turn, and in this here blog, for this whole entire week, I will tell you about the snacks I am bringing to school. If you have any snack suggestions I would be most appreciative!  

MONDAY

I thought I had everything under control, buying strawberries, because the snacks are meant to be healthful, and also some organic Oreo-type cookies, because I want the kids to think that my daughter's mom brings awesome snacks. But last night I received a letter from the teacher, with words that no parent who is providing snack for thirty (yes, THIRTY) kids wants to hear:  

There are peanut and nut allergies present in the class. When shopping for snacks, please be on the lookout for anything containing peanut oil, peanut butter and nuts as well as any foods that have been manufactured on equipment handling these ingredients.

A quick check of the cookies I had purchased revealed that they were manufactured in the same general vicinity as some things that may or may not have touched peanuts. I don't know when peanut allergies became so commonplace, or so dangerous, but I'll be damned if I'm going to make a kid go into anaphylactic shock over my snacks. So the cookies stayed at home and I will soon be providing you with a recipe using two boxes of organic Oreo-type cookies.

Three pints of strawberries are hardly enough for thirty kids, so after the school run today I had to stop in the grocery store for some pretzel rods. I also picked up three bags of Pirates Booty, because I can't figure out why kids, or anyone else for that matter, like pretzels. When my son was in nursery school, my very first snack experience, I brought in fruit and the kids helped me make a delicious fruit salad. I was so proud of myself, had bought the best fruit, all organic and everything. I spooned some of the fruit salad into little bowls, and hovered, waiting for the kids to say how delicious it was. Not one of them ate a single bite. They just sat there squirming in their little chairs. And these weren't exotic fruits or anything. The teacher said, "Would anyone like pretzels?" There were cheers, fist pumping, and chants of, "Pretzels! Pretzels! Pretzels!" Go figure.

At least there aren't gluten issues in this class, cause that leads to some super lofty string cheese bills.

Writer's Block Snackstravaganza

Writer’s Block Snackstravaganza

You will need:

Cupboard.

Writing implement

Refrigerator

To begin, go to cupboard.  Decide that you have far too many coffee mugs with silly sayings on them.  Throw them in the garbage.  Go to writing implement and sit, holding it in hand.

Put down writing implement.  Go to refrigerator.  Stand before the open fridge and survey its contents, looking perhaps for something left there by elves.  Hmmmm... Have one chocolate pudding cup.  Go back to writing implement, pick it up and put it on paper.  Tap against paper for 2 – 3 minutes, or until you want to jump out the window. 

Go to computer and try and look for inspiration by surfing celebrity gossip and photo websites.  Consider writing something about Nicole Kidman.  Begin by writing, “Nicole was standing on line at the supermarket, just like regular folks…” tear paper off notebook, discard, and go to refrigerator.  Before refrigerator, look for something that may have appeared by magic since the last time you were there.  Nope, nothing.  Look in cupboard, grab handful of almonds and go back to writing implement.  Notice dull, incessant thumping of music coming from slacker neighbor’s apartment.

Go back to computer and visit www.LiftMagic.com.  Upload photo of yourself to see how you might look after various plastic surgeries, should you ever be able to afford plastic surgery.  Go to refrigerator; find one piece Swiss cheese, one piece bologna, salami or other lunchmeat, and one pickle.  Layer bologna on top of cheese and place pickle in center, spread a bit of mayo and a bit of mustard on either side of pickle, roll up and eat.  Return to writing implement, and begin, “Nicole held the Swiss cheese, limp and full of holes, just like she was beginning to feel about Johnny’s alibi for the night Mike the Fish was gunned down in cold blood outside Pizza Hut.”  Put down writing implement and go to refrigerator.

Pour one glass root beer and return to writing implement, but do not pick up.  Instead, remove atlas from nearby shelf, and hurl against neighbor’s wall.  Pick up atlas and flip through while waiting to think of something to write about.  Pick up writing implement and begin, “Nicole lived in the High Tatra Mountains which lie in Poland and Slovakia and form part of the Carpathian Mountains.  The tallest peak is 8,710 feet high, which sometimes left Nicole dizzy and gasping for air…” Go back to cupboard and find container microwavable Beefaroni.  Prepare according to package directions and eat.  Return to writing implement.

Put down writing implement, go to computer and visit www.sothebysrealty.com.  Browse homes in exotic locations that would surely provide more inspiration for your projects.  Rethink decision to abandon coffee mugs.  Fish the one with all the Presidents on it out of the garbage as it comes in handy when doing crossword puzzles.  Return to refrigerator and eat four baby carrots dipped in jar of black bean dip.  Put writing implement away, go to couch, comfy chair or floor, lie flat on your back and sleep six to eight hours, as desired.

Before.

After.