Monday, November 12, 2012

Gimme Shelter on the Rocks

Dear Reader,

You might have heard we had some weather in these parts.  I'm not going to try and say anything funny about Hurricane Sandy, because there's really nothing funny about it.  However, when you are talking about secondary effects of a storm, and primary effects of being the only one in your family with a generator, hilarity ensues.  Or hysteria in any case.  Here is something to calm the nerves left raw and frazzled by family members camping out in your home.  Enjoy.

Gimme Shelter on the Rocks

You will need:

Spare bed/ sleeping bags

First, place all perishables into a chest full of ice, reserving ice to be used in this cocktail.  Then place any elderly relatives in areas near a bathroom if they are functioning, or near the door if they are not, to encourage them to go by themselves.  Leave a trowel by the door to prevent piles in the yard.  Crush the ice using a hammer or other blunt instrument.  Do not crush by bashing your head on the ice - even though it may provide some numbing now, it will hurt like a mofo in an hour.  Likewise do not use size D batteries to crush the ice as you will need these for portable radios, flashlights, or to sell to neighbors who do not have generators and didn't buy enough batteries.  Throw some mint in the bottom of a large glass, and smash it around with anything but the trowel.  Place crushed ice into the glass and top with six ounces of tequila and two ounces of lemonade, limeaid, orange juice, or whatever juice your have on hand.  If your mother-in-law is staying with you, chances are she brought some juice, so take some when she's not looking.  Swirl the whole drink around a bit and find a quiet place where you can be alone, such as a closet, cupboard, or inside the dryer.  Take a deep, cleansing breath and drink with a straw.  Repeat.

To Donate to the American Red Cross relief effort for those affected by Hurricane Sandy,

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