Friday, January 6, 2012

Fancy French Cuisine for Ass Kickers

Dear Reader,

You know how sometimes after the New Year, you think everything's going to be different, everything is going to be better, this is going to be my year goddammit!  And then it's not?  Well that's not going to happen this time, baby!  Because this is your year!  And to celebrate we are going to have something a little fancy, well, maybe not exactly "fancy" but definitely French.  You deserve it for all the ass kicking you're about to do in 2012.  Enjoy.

Fancy French Cuisine for Ass Kickers

You will need:

4 Chicken breasts, cubed, or other proteinish substance
Olive oil
1 onion
2 carrots
12 fingerling potatoes, sliced
1/2 pound sliced mushrooms
Pinot Noir
1 Tbs. Herbs de Provence
Tomato Paste
Bay leaf

First thing you need to do is put on some music to suit your awesomeness.  Here's what I suggest, but feel free to use your incredible and vast imagination.

Next, place onions, carrots, potatoes, garlic, herbs, bay leaf, and chicken into a large bowl.  Pour wine over all to marinate for about an hour.  Meanwhile look into the mirror and admire your glowing confidence.  Take a picture while you're at it because friends and family are going to want to see your gorgeous face.  Everything that you want is going to happen for you - and soon!

Strain the chicken and vegetables, saving the marinade.  Heat a large skillet with some olive oil, and toss in the chicken and things, stirring them around until they are brown and as awesome as you.  Add a spoonful of tomato paste, and stir for a minute, then add the wine and mushrooms.  Simmer until the sauce has reduced to a silky goodness.  Season with salt and pepper and then eat either on mashed potatoes, rice, pasta or pureed cauliflower, making sure to share with others so that they will be able to admire your culinary superiority, because you rock.

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