I had such an amazing response from all of you! Bad marriages, slutty mothers and inappropriate groping at the workplace, it was hard to choose just one trouble to help with. But one letter in particular stood out to me because it highlights a problem that so many of us have had.
Dear Heather,
Please help me!!! My wife and I have been arguing a lot lately, usually late at night. Well, I know you’re not supposed to go to bed angry and all that, but I just get so damn sleepy! What can I do for the awkward and angry silence the next day?
Yours,
Kevin
Please help me!!! My wife and I have been arguing a lot lately, usually late at night. Well, I know you’re not supposed to go to bed angry and all that, but I just get so damn sleepy! What can I do for the awkward and angry silence the next day?
Yours,
Kevin
Kevin, I’m with you! I think people that want to stay up and fight are just plain belligerent. No argument is worth precious sleeping hours, especially when you are in the wrong. Here I have provided you with just the right breakfast for those horrid mornings when you just want the whole thing to blow over.
Went To Bed Angry Cheese Strata
You will need:
6 eggs
1 lb. asparagus
1 ¼ cups milk
½ stick unsalted butter
Humility
¼ cup minced onion
4 slices good quality white bread, cubed
¾ cup crumbled Boursin cheese (any variety)
Wake before spouse and sneak down to kitchen. Very quietly snap off the ends of the asparagus the way your spouse is dreaming of snapping off the ends of your fingers at this very moment. Cut into bite-sized pieces and stick them in a microwavable bowl with a bit of water, cover and nuke for 2 minutes or the length of time you said, “Nananananananana” with your fingers in your ears last night while she was telling you her “feelings.” Drain.
Whisk together eggs, milk salt and pepper in a large bowl. Take out the skillet from behind the sofa where it was hurled the night before. Melt the butter over medium-high heat and throw in the onions. Don’t worry that they will make you cry as you used all your tears in the “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” monologue you performed. When the onions are soft, put in the bread and cook three minutes longer. Remove from heat.
Pour eggs in skillet, poking at bread like she poked you in the chest over and over as if you needed a physical reminder of where the blame lay. Scatter the asparagus into the eggs then top with cheese. Pop into oven until set – about 15 minutes. Be careful to use oven mitt when removing strata, as you will illogically blame any burn on your wife who is still sleeping. Cut her a large piece, and serve it to her with a big smile and even bigger apology.
6 eggs
1 lb. asparagus
1 ¼ cups milk
½ stick unsalted butter
Humility
¼ cup minced onion
4 slices good quality white bread, cubed
¾ cup crumbled Boursin cheese (any variety)
Wake before spouse and sneak down to kitchen. Very quietly snap off the ends of the asparagus the way your spouse is dreaming of snapping off the ends of your fingers at this very moment. Cut into bite-sized pieces and stick them in a microwavable bowl with a bit of water, cover and nuke for 2 minutes or the length of time you said, “Nananananananana” with your fingers in your ears last night while she was telling you her “feelings.” Drain.
Whisk together eggs, milk salt and pepper in a large bowl. Take out the skillet from behind the sofa where it was hurled the night before. Melt the butter over medium-high heat and throw in the onions. Don’t worry that they will make you cry as you used all your tears in the “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” monologue you performed. When the onions are soft, put in the bread and cook three minutes longer. Remove from heat.
Pour eggs in skillet, poking at bread like she poked you in the chest over and over as if you needed a physical reminder of where the blame lay. Scatter the asparagus into the eggs then top with cheese. Pop into oven until set – about 15 minutes. Be careful to use oven mitt when removing strata, as you will illogically blame any burn on your wife who is still sleeping. Cut her a large piece, and serve it to her with a big smile and even bigger apology.
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