Iranian Insanity Kabab

Dear Reader,

The country of Iran has been in the news quite a bit this week. First they released those hikers, which was good news. I have always wondered about those kids, not that they were spies, but just sort of stupid, because there are so very many beautiful places for hiking, like

Yellowstone National Park

 

 Lucerne, Switzeraland

Bled, Slovenia

I just simply can not fathom why, when there are so many beautiful places in the world, you would choose to hike along the

Iran/ Iraq border.

Nevertheless, I am glad those crazy kids are coming home! Then there's this crazy kid:

I mean, he's nuts, right?  For most people, if they spoke in front of the U.N. - or any other audience, and that audience collectively stood and walked out, it would be a nightmare! But he loves it.

I will tell you something, Iran may be a dangerous place for a vacation, and their leader is a madman, but their food is delicious. I should know, having lived there as a child. My school notebooks were filled with doodles of chelo kebab, which looks an awful lot like poop. So today, not exactly in honor of Iran, but in spite of it, I offer you Chelo Kabab. Yum.

You will need:

1 lb. ground lamb

1/2 large onion

Small pinch saffron

Butter

Puree the onion in a food processor and push through a strainer. What you're trying to do is make onion juice. Onion juice should not be confused with orange juice and served as a breakfast drink, but might taste delicious if included gingerly in a martini. Grind up the saffron and dissolve it in the onion juice. Mix all this with the meat and cover with plastic wrap to marinate in the fridge for at least one hour. Pack lamb onto skewers in the shape of poop, and grill, brushing with butter as the kababs cook. Serve with grilled onions and tomatoes and Iranian rice, which you can learn to make by watching this guy's video, which is the simplest way I've ever seen of making it, that does not involve a delivery menu.